beginning to

April 27, 2007
for so long i tried to bear the indifference

i know it is hopeless to still believe

i know i have to give you up

i know i have to forget

at some point i was able to

i turned myself numb to stop you from clouding my consciousness

but you seem to be an addiction i keep coming back to

there are times when it's you who lures me into those deceptive arms

as if stopping me from totally shutting you out of my life

you tease me with your sweet words

making me remember, making me want more than what you are willing to give

and when you are assured that i am once again trapped into your cruel passion

hanging on to your every move

you shift into that uncaring thief who stole my peace of mind

you break me with your blah responses

as if wanting me to beg for the littlest of attention

yes i am tempted. so very

but i know that i can't

even if this means i face the risk of losing you completely

because if i do, it is my own sanity i'll lose

extreme, crazy, i know

but as i continue typing these words

i am beginning to

forget? no.

hate. yes hate. such negative feeling is what i need to feel

to wash you away from me, my mind, my heart

sigh. at this point, i may not totally hate you yet

heck maybe love is what i still feel

but believe, i am beginning to.