plus TEN
28 days…
In the movie version of the same title, it took Sandra Bullock only 28 days in rehab to get over her alcohol problem and finally get a life.
In my own life version, it's not 28 but exactly 38 days since that 'brave' day when i finally found the guts to speak my mind and bare my soul. Since that day, I've been trying to update my blog and write about what happened- friendster, multiply, iblog…but i can't seem to put my feelings into cyber-characters and form a decent entry. i can't find the perfect words to justify what i was truly feeling at that moment.
And now, here i am. it's 1:35 in the morning… i can't sleep and for some weird reason i felt that i am now ready to blog. i thought maybe it's because ive moved on 'coz it all happened more than a month ago… but when i counted , it was exactly 38 days.
so does this mean i am finally over him and next, ill be able to get a life too? maybe. 38 days is not such a long time to brood and mourn over a nonexistent relationship… considering this whole stupid drama has been going on for the last two years. 38 days is fine i guess, so what if it's 10 days longer than Sandra's timeframe… heck he's worse than an alcohol problem … he's an addiction i'm afraid to go back to. for the past year, ive been trying to convince myself that i'm free of him but no, time and again i still kept on coming back… hurting myself more, destroying my sanity.
But 38 days ago, i finally told him that i need to go on with my life. i finally had the balls to tell him that i'm tired of the games he's playing, and most importantly, i finally had the guts to admit to myself that the reason why i kept silent all this time was because i was afraid to lose him completely. That's the reason why i also convinced myself that i was okay with the leftover attention i kept on getting from him…but i'm done with that. Now 38 days after that fateful day, i have not heard a single word from him. not a single beep. not a single text. not a single howdy. I know that one big factor is that for the past 38 days , i was also able to control myself from talking to him, texting him, anything. finally he's gone. completely.
now, i have mixed feelings. a little sad of course- that same sad feeling when you finish a good book or a movie… you knew from the start that it will end but that didn't stop you from feeling a little sad that it's finally over.
i'm also proud of myself of course. duh, other people who do not know the real story would call me stupid for being choosy and demanding (why not just take what i can get?) but hey, i deserve better.
and lastly i feel empty but in a good way. i'm actually excited to move on and fill my life with new people and new memories. and promise, i'm going to start now.
In the movie version of the same title, it took Sandra Bullock only 28 days in rehab to get over her alcohol problem and finally get a life.
In my own life version, it's not 28 but exactly 38 days since that 'brave' day when i finally found the guts to speak my mind and bare my soul. Since that day, I've been trying to update my blog and write about what happened- friendster, multiply, iblog…but i can't seem to put my feelings into cyber-characters and form a decent entry. i can't find the perfect words to justify what i was truly feeling at that moment.
And now, here i am. it's 1:35 in the morning… i can't sleep and for some weird reason i felt that i am now ready to blog. i thought maybe it's because ive moved on 'coz it all happened more than a month ago… but when i counted , it was exactly 38 days.
so does this mean i am finally over him and next, ill be able to get a life too? maybe. 38 days is not such a long time to brood and mourn over a nonexistent relationship… considering this whole stupid drama has been going on for the last two years. 38 days is fine i guess, so what if it's 10 days longer than Sandra's timeframe… heck he's worse than an alcohol problem … he's an addiction i'm afraid to go back to. for the past year, ive been trying to convince myself that i'm free of him but no, time and again i still kept on coming back… hurting myself more, destroying my sanity.
But 38 days ago, i finally told him that i need to go on with my life. i finally had the balls to tell him that i'm tired of the games he's playing, and most importantly, i finally had the guts to admit to myself that the reason why i kept silent all this time was because i was afraid to lose him completely. That's the reason why i also convinced myself that i was okay with the leftover attention i kept on getting from him…but i'm done with that. Now 38 days after that fateful day, i have not heard a single word from him. not a single beep. not a single text. not a single howdy. I know that one big factor is that for the past 38 days , i was also able to control myself from talking to him, texting him, anything. finally he's gone. completely.
now, i have mixed feelings. a little sad of course- that same sad feeling when you finish a good book or a movie… you knew from the start that it will end but that didn't stop you from feeling a little sad that it's finally over.
i'm also proud of myself of course. duh, other people who do not know the real story would call me stupid for being choosy and demanding (why not just take what i can get?) but hey, i deserve better.
and lastly i feel empty but in a good way. i'm actually excited to move on and fill my life with new people and new memories. and promise, i'm going to start now.
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