bad day-s

the past couple of days have been a series of disappointments. one of my closest friends stood me up when we were supposed to go home to pampanga together, he just conveniently ran out of cellphone battery and didnt even text me later to apologize.. i had to check up on him coz i was beginning to get worried-- and that was the only time he replied.
I went out for coffee sautrday night and for the first time-- i was early, but then my friends came an hour late--making me look stupid, sitting there waiting for just anyone to come..
i was supposed to meet my office friends sunday night--my mom asked me to stay at home and just come back to manila by monday morning but i was so hardheaded that i still told her that no--i'll take the trip sunday afternoon, thank you. i texted my friends --no reply. i called some--no one answered.
i didnt want to think about these disappointments... i took it all in stride-- i even looked at the sunday night no-show a blessing coz i was able to have dinner with knolls-my housemate, buddy and one of my dearest dearest friends-- and we were able to catch up.
monday--i was my usual perky, moody self. i was a bit excited coz i have this new crush ehe, he's a chef from this coffee shop we frequent (he looks like wentworth miller from prison break).
anyway, i was supposed to meet another friend that monday night but turns out he could not make it coz his bro's girlfriend is late for the family dinner so he could not get out of the house until she comes.
well i understood, it was sad that i wasnt able to see him and catch up on whats happening with him and his loving boyfriend but oh well..
then i saw one of my bestest friends blog and i was not even mentioned in the best times blah blah--pretty shallow but its something i dont need to see at this point.
i still told myself not to mind it... im not dwelling on these "little" things... our presentation was cancelled that night so we could get off work early... so i gleefully asked a couple of friends for coffeee.. i psyched myself that hey! everything's fine. But it was the last straw i guess coz i was faced with no thanks,excuses, tiredness, and what have yous... hah it may look like i dont have anything better to do with my time but excuse moi-- busy spells J-E-L and thats me... sigh... maybe i just want some time spent with friends, i just dont want to feel alone right now... maybe thats the reason when one office friend was complaining that she's hungry-- i eagerly volunteered to eat with her even if ive eaten already,..i finished my script then while waiting, i went to the washroom for a while and accompanied my friend jp for a smoke and chitchat, and then found out that she bought food already.
i don't blame them... maybe i just have this illussion that im surrounded with so much friends when in fact i just can't face up to the truth that im not really that fabulous to be with. i was just suddenly afraid that what if im suddnly into this freak emergency, will they also not respond..? i suddenly missed my old friends.
i finally thought of jencarps--i dragged her from the middle of her shift and i was just so relieved that theres still someone in my world who's willing to drop even an hour of work just to be with me.. thanks jen- my perfect stalking partner.
now i think i know what i need-- time alone... shit.