madame-ME

12 days. 12 long days. 12 long days of nothing.
i didnt care coz i had a bigger worry these past 12 days.
i didnt want to hear anything that will remind me of...

in the midst of busy schedules, pressure from work, added pressure from friends,
i had this inner struggle i kept to myself.
countless of times, i just wanted to give up and just sleep and forget about everything.
But sleep did not come easy, my mind wanted to drift and worry some more.
if you count the total number hours i spent sleeping for the past 12 days, i bet you'll be shocked and you'll ask me if i'm crazy.

But of course, most of the time, i had to be my normal self, i had to project that everything is indeed fine.
But there are times when i just feel tired of pretending.
the cliche applies- i'm surrounded by a lot of people yet they do not know that i'm really alone.
maybe this is the reason why simple clashes with people affects me so much. i get hurt so much
i feel that hey, i don't deserve this right now.
will someone-- just anyone-- give me a break..?
i need to unload this, i need to be okay, honestly i don't know what to do..
i just wanna relax, i just wanna BE. no worries, no apprehensions. no anything-but being.

now after 12 days, i have the answer that i've been waiting for. maybe this time i'll start to be fine again since i need not worry anymore.
and then this.. as if on cue, there it is again- a little sign to remind me...
as if saying ' hey i'm still here'... if i got that before the 12th day maybe i won't mind coz in the first place, i repeat, i definely didnt want to hear anything from or about...
so i am just so amazed at the perfect timing, that it had to show up now, now that evrything is clear..it's as if destiny is playing mind games with me.
or maybe i'm right. i'm just psychic.

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p/s/ ive been to baang coffee twice this week and the chef was not present! huhu! i wished we were at least introduced before he disappeared into thin air! hay!