limbo
i am in the time of my life when i feel as though i am just hanging in there… i don't really know where… i'm just there somewhere. this place makes me unsure of what i really want to do, who i really want to be with and what will really make me happy. tough but the weird thing about this place is that i feel relaxed. my mind is blank and it seems that there is this invisible blanket that is covering all my emotions temporarily. maybe all the mumble jumble i was feeling in the past weeks has numbed me to the point of not feeling anything.
a lot of things are happening around me,,, life turning events at that. my sister whom i haven't seen for 9 mos. just came back from dubai for christmas, i am once again in civil terms with two of my estranged friends, one of my dearest friends disappointed me -major last week and she doesn't know it , i am in constant battle with my brother, my love life is in a roller coaster… with all these, i am just at loss how i arrived at this state.
now i fear that one of these days i will just crash and break down. and of course, antagonize the people around me. now that i think about it, i hate being in this state. i can't concentrate on my work, on my friends, or on anything at all because i'm just there but not really. i know that i am not making sense but i am just trying to find something concrete that will define WHO i am at this point of my life. the darned thing is that i know i'm looking for something but i'm not sure what i'm actually looking for or where to start. everyday i just fall deeper into unknown nothingness without really feeling, seeing… anything. sigh.
maybe i need to rest but i've never felt so rested in my life.
i just got my hair done, i was thinking that this will calm me or whatever but it didn't … just made my hair a little redder than black. no im not Rouge now so don't fuss. i just wish i am so that i can absorb other people's happy Christmas energy… selfish i know. tough.
a lot of things are happening around me,,, life turning events at that. my sister whom i haven't seen for 9 mos. just came back from dubai for christmas, i am once again in civil terms with two of my estranged friends, one of my dearest friends disappointed me -major last week and she doesn't know it , i am in constant battle with my brother, my love life is in a roller coaster… with all these, i am just at loss how i arrived at this state.
now i fear that one of these days i will just crash and break down. and of course, antagonize the people around me. now that i think about it, i hate being in this state. i can't concentrate on my work, on my friends, or on anything at all because i'm just there but not really. i know that i am not making sense but i am just trying to find something concrete that will define WHO i am at this point of my life. the darned thing is that i know i'm looking for something but i'm not sure what i'm actually looking for or where to start. everyday i just fall deeper into unknown nothingness without really feeling, seeing… anything. sigh.
maybe i need to rest but i've never felt so rested in my life.
i just got my hair done, i was thinking that this will calm me or whatever but it didn't … just made my hair a little redder than black. no im not Rouge now so don't fuss. i just wish i am so that i can absorb other people's happy Christmas energy… selfish i know. tough.
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